Get over it, Fox News. Get past it, Ann Coulter, Rush Limbaugh — and all the rest of you who are devastated by the Bill de Blasio landslide.
I am crazy for you Bill O’R, but Bill de B is de mayor now, so you gotta get past it.
And I truly appreciate that you, Glenn Beck, apparently received a personal vision from God last week showing that New York City under B de B will be a crime-riddled living hell. But Beck? You live in Texas, which not only produced George W. Bush, the most disastrous President in modern history, but hosts, yes, a museum in the house where W misspent his youth.
What do they have on display? Old liquor bottles? We have the Met and the Modern and you have the Bush and the Wooden Nickel Museum. So seriously, Beck. Just live with it.
B de B won by the biggest landslide by a nonincumbent mayoral candidate in our city’s history, and was voted in by the same regular Joes that all of you guys are always touting as the backbone of this nation. The Joes have spoken. So let it go, or the Joes will let you go.
Will B de B be a great mayor? I have no idea, since God hasn’t visited me with a vision lately. But I do know that no matter what you guys think/say/believe, B de B is not going to kill off all the rich people and bring back track. Black will not be the new white, and no, the de Blasios aren’t making a political statement by not straightening their hair. They like it that way — and apparently so does the rest of the city who aren’t you.
B de B isn’t a pro-crime commie. He really doesn’t want you to be mugged because he is against the practice of stopping and frisking kids who happen to look like his kids — even if they don’t look like your kids.
He doesn’t hate rich people, (well, it’s hard for anyone to actually like Bloomberg, but that’s another story). B de B just believes that people who make piles of dough should help pay for pre-K for kids who desperately need a better start in life. Pre-K comes with breakfast — you know the meal that your staff prepares for your children — a meal which the 474,000 kids who go hungry each day in New York City need desperately.
So for all of you who threatened to move out of the city if he won, get over it. You know you really don’t want to move to Florida even if Rush lives there. That would mean you won’t be a big shark in a small river anymore, but just another manatee in the Gulf.
Please, get over it, so we can all get on with it.
PIRATES OF THE SILK ROAD
Dread Pirate Roberts, aka Ross Ulbricht, who is accused of owning and operating The Silk Road website — a $1.2 billion online marketplace for hit men, hackers, gun runners and drug dealers — showed up in Manhattan Federal Court on Wednesday.
In court, however, Pirate, who is also accused of hiring hit men (in undercover sting operations), looked less like Black Beard the pirate than Five O’Clock Shadow the loser.
Ulbricht came to court with a new lawyer, Joshua Dratel, who claims the feds got the wrong guy. What a relief to know the Pirate is innocent, even though he shares the same lawyer as one-eyed, hook-handed non-pirate terror suspect Abu Hamza al-Masri. It must be the Captain Hook thing.
Question of the day: How is it possible that pirates who did — and still do — rape, rob, rampage, pillage, plunder, torture and murder, inspire a ride at Disney World? What next? The Bin Laden log flume?
DOES GOLD TARNISH?
Senator, doctor and golden boy Rand Paul of Kentucky was quick to not take blame for the recent accusations of plagiarism in a speech, a book and his now killed-off column in The Washington Times.
Paul, who don’t take no crap from nobody, claimed the cribbed writing was just the result of being overwhelmed and overworked, and/or the fault of his staff, who didn’t footnote properly. In his defense, Paul’s senior adviser Doug Stafford issued a statement: “Sen. Paul ... has always presented his own ideas, opinions and conclusions.”
Thing is? Doug Stafford is the not-very-visible co-writer on Paul’s book with the plagiarized passages. Mike Huckabee also came to Paul’s defense, calling the plagiarism accusations “nuttiness.”
He said this knowing the nutty fact that one of Paul’s cribs was from a Wikipedia description of “Gattaca,” about a man who assumes another guy’s identity so he can blast off into outer space. Maybe Rand Paul should consider giving up politics and join Lady Gaga on that rocket to outer space.
SICKENING OMISSION
In an interview with NBC, President Obama said not a good enough job was done in crafting the Obamacare law. You think? The law is — depending on which figures you trust — anywhere from 234,812 to over 400,000 words long. With all those words, how did they forget to include these eight words: “This may cause you to lose your coverage?”
WILL, CHEATING? NYAH
Just because Will Smith (right) and his co-star Margot Robbie (left) got half undressed in a photo booth — before supposedly disappearing into a trailer — does not mean he’s cheating. On his income taxes.
EXPRESS LINES
It’s not shocking that Justin Bieber was busted by the paparazzi coming out of a Brazilian brothel. What’s shocking is that Bieber has to pay for it.
Police Commish Ray Kelly may join JPMorgan Chase as head of security. His first duty will be to arrest everyone there.
Tom Cruise said shooting a movie and being away from his daughter Suri was as tough as serving a tour in Afghanistan. But is it as tough as sitting through “Cocktail”? Doubtful.
CLOSED, NO OPEN, WELL, MAYBE
Long Island College Hospital stopped admitting patients on Wednesday, but then opened on Friday — sort of — by accepting noncritical patients. SUNY says the hospital loses millions, but protesters contend SUNY really wants to close it so it can sell it for hundreds of millions to developers of luxury housing.
Who’s doing the math here? The average cost per patient per day for a hospital room stay in NYC is nearly $2,000 — over $700,000 a year per room, not counting shared rooms. That’s even beyond Russian oligarch Len Blavatnik’s budget. Sort of.
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