If there's anything that truly defines the American dream, it's someone who pulls themselves up by the bootstraps in order to succeed; a person who overcomes all obstacles to become a leader you can look up to and respect.


That very ideal could not be more personified than in the story of Gary Lightman above, who started off as the lowly son of a CEO only to "rise like a phoenix" and eventually become the CEO himself... at his dad's company.


Alright, so while it's actually a satirical piece by The Onion (much like our previous commentary), who doesn't see the sad grain of truth behind it? Yeah, we're all doing a little bit of laughing and crying at the same time while watching this one.



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  • Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles


    They couldn't be this sexy if they really lived in a sewer, ate nothing but pizza, and took orders from a giant rat. (Via <a href="http://ninjaturtlescostumes.net/sexy-ninja-turtles-costumes/" target="_hplink">Ninja Turtles Costumes</a>)




  • Brian From 'Family Guy'


    Wait, what? (Via <a href="http://www.buycostumes.com/Family-Guy-Sexy-Brian-Adult-Costume/69888/ProductDetail.aspx" target="_hplink">Buy Costumes</a>)




  • Freddy Krueger


    We know there are generic sexy version of devils and witches and other "scary" costumes, but, really? You can't just put Freddy Krueger in a dress! (Via <a href="http://funwithcole.wordpress.com/2010/09/13/9-%E2%80%9Csexy%E2%80%9D-but-disturbing-halloween-costumes/" target="_hplink">Fun With Cole</a>)




  • Sherlock Holmes


    Or "sexy detective costume" if you will. We won't. (Via <a href="http://www.foxyladyboutique.com/l83003-sexy-detective-girl.html" target="_hplink">Foxy Lady Boutique</a>)




  • 'Star Wars' Characters


    Aside from Princess Leia, no one from that movie should be this scantily clad. (Via <a href="http://www.yandy.com/Sci-Fi-Commander.php" target="_hplink">Yandy</a>)




  • Pizza Delivery Person


    We had no idea that delivery pizzas could be so "glamorous." (Via <a href="http://www.foxyladyboutique.com/d4039hot-dish-pizza-costume.htm" target="_hplink">Foxy Lady Boutique</a>)




  • Cookie Monster


    A hairy blue monster from a children's show that eats nothing but cookies all day? SEXY. (Via <a href="http://www.nerve.com/scanner/2010/09/13/sexy-sesame-street-costumes-are-a-big-dont-for-this-halloween" target="_hplink">Nerve.com</a>)




  • CSI Agent


    Have you seen that show? The actors are already way hotter than any CSI in real life, so this just takes it even further. We can't see the benefit of wearing booty shorts while collecting evidence. (Via <a href="http://www.yandy.com/Womens-Detective-Costume.php" target="_hplink">Yandy</a>)




  • Clown


    Because who HASN'T dreamed of getting in the sack with a clown? (Via <a href="http://funwithcole.wordpress.com/2010/09/13/9-%E2%80%9Csexy%E2%80%9D-but-disturbing-halloween-costumes/" target="_hplink">Fun With Cole</a>)




  • Taxi Driver


    If you've seen a real taxi driver lately, chances are you don't fantasize about him wearing something like this. (Via <a href="http://www.foxyladyboutique.com/cx1599sexypvc-costume-taxidriver.html" target="_hplink">Foxy Lady Boutique</a>)




  • Real Estate Agent


    She'll sell you a house, and then... Give you some papers to sign. (Via <a href="http://www.foxyladyboutique.com/d3767-sexy-costume-estate-agent-69-uniform.html" target="_hplink">Foxy Lady Boutique</a>)




  • Medical Marijuana Dispenser


    We can understand a sexy doctor or nurse, but what does weed have to do with it? (Via <a href="http://www.yandy.com/Medical-Mary-Jane-Costume.php" target="_hplink">Yandy</a>)




  • Spongebob


    Dressing like a male children's character in drag is definitely not "sexy."(Via <a href="http://images.buycostumes.com/mgen/merchandiser/33188.jpg?is=350,350,0xffffff" target="_hplink">Buy Costumes</a>)